ReJaladdin
by TLSoulDude
Summary: Remake of my first fanmake. Jaden lives the life of a simple thief on the streets of Konoha with his friends, Bender, Sora, and Jack. However, his luck seems to change when he finds a magic wand with two fairies who could help him win the heart of the Hokage's "daughter", Alexis Rhodes. However, Orochimaru plots to take over the village... Rated for some crude humor.
1. Chapter 1

_**Fanfiction dot net presents...**_

_**A TLSoulDude production...**_

_**Jaladdin**_

Chapter 1: Ninja Nights

Three people were riding on a cart through a forest. They all had Chinese hats on, one was a man with graying, brown hair, the other two were robots—one looked like a gumball machine with a beak and the other was bronze with a long mouth and a net thing on the back of its head.

Man: _Oh, we come from a land,_

_A faraway place, where the swordsmen and warlords roam._

Bronze Robot: _Where they can cut off your nose, if they don't like your face..._

"So it's New Jersey?" the gumball machine robot asked.

"What? No." The bronze robot answered.

"Well, I just figured, y'know, since people can cut off someone else's nose just for not liking their face." The first robot explained, "I COULD'VE said Mexico, but people would've gotten on my case for that..."

"No, Tom, ya just ruined the song!" the other robot shouted.

"Hey, guys, calm down." The man said, "How about we just say..."

Man: _It's barbaric, but hey, it's home._

"Well, that works, too." The first robot conceded.

Gumball Robot: _When there's wind in the east and the sun's over-head_

_And the sand in the glass is right..._

"Oh great, now you're openly STEALING from Aladdin!" the bronze robot muttered.

"Hey, did I interrupt your bit?" the first robot asked.

"YES." the second robot answered, irritably.

Man: _Come on down, stop on by, just bring a sword, then just fly_

_Into another Konoha night!_

The forest cleared to show a city surrounding a large mountain with four heads carved into its side.

"Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, and Lincoln!" the second robot exclaimed.

No. Shut up and let ME tell the story.

"Fine." The second robot sighed, "Pushy narrator, trying to keep the story FLOWING."

DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP?! Now, where was I...oh yes!

The cart pulled into the village as the three continued singing. Passers-by were giving them odd looks as they walked by, but ultimately shrugged it off.

All three: _Konoha nights!_

_Like Konoha days!_

_Where, with qualms or not,_

_Are evaded and fought,_

_If it's a good day!_

_Konoha nights!_

_'Neath Konoha moons..._

_A fool off his guard could get stabbed and stabbed HARD!_

First robot: _Right into his boons!_

"Was that really necessary?" The man asked as the cart came to a halt and the driver quickly booted them out.

"FINALLY." the driver sighed, starting up the cart and going away as fast as he could.

A kid with bright, blue eyes, spiky blonde hair and clad in an orange jumpsuit walked over. His name was Naruto. He looked over at the three and asked, "Hey, are you guys alright?"

"Oh, hi, everyone, I'm Mike Nelson." The man murmured pushing himself up with his two robot friends. Whether or not he heard Naruto was unknown, "These are Tom Servo..."

"Check me out!" Tom Servo (the gumball machine robot) exclaimed.

"And CROW." Mike concluded.

"I'm different!" CROW (the bronze robot) said.

"O-kay, that's nice to know." Naruto said, looking a little freaked as he began to back off.

"Well, we're here to tell ya a story and sell our merchandise!" Mike said, "Guys, get out the stand."

CROW pulled out a stand labeled "Odds and Ends Pawn Shop 3000". Tom dropped various objects onto it. Naruto looked confused as to where those objects came from.

"Yes, any of these products can be yours for $9.95, no ups, no extras!" Tom said, "Here, we have this magnificent Julienne Fries Maker fresh from the Planet of the Apes..."

"YOU MANIACS!" a random passerby shouted.

"Ah, who asked you?" Tom shot back.

"The Kathy Arlong's Fabulous Range Of Emotions Guessing Game..." CROW added.

"And this RIKOCHET Barbeque Sauce!" Mike concluded, a giant, orange foam hat appearing on his head only to get knocked off.

"Uh...yeah, VERY interesting." Naruto said, looking terrified as he turned to run away.

"Wait, don't go!" Mike called, darting in front of Naruto, "I see you're in the mood for a story worth telling, eh? How about the one behind THIS?"

Mike pulled up a wand with a big, gold star on the tip.

"Do not be deceived by appearances." Mike said, "Because it's not what's on the outside, it's what's INSIDE that counts!"

"Also useful for roasting marshmallows!" Tom Servo inserted.

"Lemme go, guys!" Naruto shouted, "I've got places to go!"

"This isn't an ordinary wand!" Mike shouted, rushing in front of Naruto, "Ya see, it once belonged to a young outcast who, like this wand, was FAR more than what he seemed."

"Really?" Naruto asked, suddenly sounding interested.

"Yes, he was a special kid. A diamond in the rough, if you will." Tom Servo said.

"Or, more accurately, a diamond among gravel." CROW inserted.

"Wanna hear the story?" Mike asked.

"Sure!" Naruto grinned.

"Well, it begins like THIS..." Mike said, waving the wand.

(POOF!)

The story began in the middle of a dense forest at the dead of night. Outside stood a man with white skin, yellow eyes, and oily, black hair. Fluttering next to him was a giant wasp. Someone panted as he came to a halt in front of the pale man.

"He's sitting there waiting for a birthday party to break out around him." Mike said.

BANG!

Now, no more interruptions, GOT IT?

"Yes, sir." Mike, Tom, and CROW answered, timidly.

Good. Now, back to the story.

"You are late." The man said in a voice that sounded like something that crawled into a cave and died.

"Sorry about that." Apologized the person. He was a short, green, anthropomorphic hawk with gloves and boots, "Traffic was bad and I had to kick over an old lady."

"Did you bring it, Jet?" The tall man asked.

"Yeah, kinda had to blow up an orphanage, but I did!" Jet the Hawk replied, pulling out a golden fragment. Printed on it was what looked like a tail on it. The pale man reached out, but Jet suddenly put it behind his back, "Hey, I don't work for free. First, I gotta get that treasure ya-OW!"

The wasp fluttered behind Jet and stung his hand. The hawk had released the coin, which the wasp grabbed. It fluttered over to the pale man before depositing it into his hand.

"Don't worry, my feathered friend, you'll get what's coming to you." The man chuckled.

"Yes, bird-boy will get what's coming to him." The wasp said.

The man pulled out another half of a medallion, which had a snake head on it. He put the two together, showing that they fit together like puzzle pieces. Suddenly, in a flash of golden light, an image shaped like a snake appeared. It let out an audible hiss before flying off into the sky.

"QUICK, FOLLOW IT!" the pale man shouted as he grabbed Jet and began running after the golden serpent.

The serpent trailed through the forest skies before coming to a halt at a cave's entrance in the middle of a clearing. It split in half, each half curling into a circle as the cave began to shake. The cave then tore free from the ground as a set of arms made completely of stone hoisted itself upwards, showing a large, swirling vortex in its chest. The pale man, wasp, and Jet arrived at the clearing and seeing the stone colossus.

"Yes, the legends were true. It DOES exist." The pale man said, voice filled with an excited awe, "The Portal of Riches!"

"Portal of Riches..." the wasp imitated.

The pale man then grabbed Jet by the neck, "Now, bring me the wand! Keep whatever treasure you want, but the want is MINE, remember!"

"Uh...sure." Jet said, in a timid voice. The pale man released him and he began to walk towards the stone giant.

"Ooh, bird-boy's going to get the wand!" the wasp snickered before asking, "Where did Orochimaru find bird-boy?"

"In the slums, apparently ex-communicated by the Sonic fandom." The pale man, Orochimaru, replied in a nonchalant voice.

Jet slowly approached the stone giant, who glared down at him and said, in a deep, bellowing voice, "Who summons the Portal?"

"Uh...hi, I'm Jet the Hawk, leader of the Babylon Rogues and I enjoy stealing treasure." Jet replied, nervously.

"Proceed with caution." The Portal stated, "Only one shall enter, one whose value is greater than expected—a gem amongst gravel!"

"O-kay, if ya say so." Jet said as he silently stepped toward the portal. He looked over at Orochimaru.

"Go on if you're not a coward." Orochimaru ordered.

Jet gulped and slowly stepped a foot into the portal. His foot vanished from view, but nothing seemed to happen. He sighed in relief until the Portal roared in what could be described as rage. Jet screamed and tried pulling his foot free, but to no avail. The portal began to slowly suck him in. Jet tried jumping away, but to no avail as he vanished, screaming as he did so.

"NO!" Orochimaru yelled as the Portal to Riches slowly began to sink back into the ground.

"Seek out the diamond among gravel..." it called out as the glow left its eyes and it was no more than a simple cave now.

"Ooh, this makes the fifth time Orochimaru and Waspinator fail!" The wasp shrieked as it shifted into a robot, still fluttering in the air, "First four times bad enough, but THIS time, Orochimaru came close!"

"Remain patient, Waspinator." Orochimaru stated, holding up the medallion, which had split in half, "Jet, it seems, was unsuited to this task."

"Ooh, Waspinator not surprised by THAT!" Waspinator said, "Waspinator feels like we STILL have big problem!"

POW!

Orochimaru punched the flying robot out of the air with no effort whatsoever.

"Our task is simple." Orochimaru stated, "We must find this one the Portal called a diamond among gravel..."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Gang

"You guys got me covered right?" asked a teenage boy, under his breath as he swiftly swiped a loaf of bread. This boy had cropped, brown hair, a black jacket and jeans, and a red T-shirt.

"Sure thing." replied another boy with spiky, brown hair, blue eyes, giant yellow shoes, finger-less gloves, bright red pants, a black jacket with red lining, and a necklace shaped like a crown around his neck.

"Alright, HEADS!" called a silver robot.

"Then I be TAILS." called a man with tanned skin, dreadlocks, a mustache/beard, a white shirt, a brown vest, a red bandana, a tri-corn hat, brown pants, and boots.

The robot caught the coin, showing heads.

"Ha, in yo face!" the robot laughed.

"Bender, that coin be double-sided and you know it." the pirate muttered.

"Hey, it's not MY fault that ya didn't notice it, Jack Sparrow and Sora." Bender shrugged, "Also, why're we sayin' our names when we know who we are already?"

"Dunno." the spiky-haired teen, Sora, answered, "What do you think, Jaden?"

"I don't know either." The teen, Jaden, replied.

"STOP, THIEVES!" came a voice.

"And then Bender ran." Bender said, running off.

(start playing Guns & Roses right now)

Jaden looked over and saw a band of ninjas wearing masks jumping after them.

"It's just bread!" Jaden yelled, running off with Bender, Sora, and Jack Sparrow.

"Should see how they punish litterin', mate!" Jack yelled, dodging kunai and shuriken.

"Alright, the scene with the missing bread?" Jaden asked, looking over to his three cohorts.

"Sounds good!" Sora grinned, taking the bread and splitting off from the rest of the group. The ANBU followed him into an alley, "Okay, I surrender!"

"Well, that's nice." Commented the lead ANBU as he removed his mask, showing spiky, silver hair and a mask that covered most of his face. He was Kakashi.

"PSYCH!" came a voice. Bender stretched down before pulling away with Sora, who waved good-bye.

"Miserable brats!" shouted the second ANBU, pulling off his mask to show short, spiky black hair and red eyes. He was Kurogane.

The ANBU jumped over to the building to chase after the four thieves. Kurogane lunged at Sora, tackling him to the ground before putting the edge of his katana at his neck.

"Now, brat, give us the bread." he growled.

"Hey, chumps!" Bender called, opening his compartment and showing the bread, "Lookin' for THIS?"

"I HATE robots..." Kurogane growled.

"Computer programs, on the other hand..." the third ANBU said. He had no mask, but was clad in a purple, ninja outfit and had a bright, red scarf. He was Shadowman. He lunged at Bender, who threw the loaf of bred at Jack Sparrow.

"Ninjas!" Jack yelled, pulling out a flintlock, "This be a confrontation worth noting..."

"That's only one shot." Kakashi simply said.

"Aye, but that's all I need." Jack replied, pointing it into the air, "Gentlemen, you will ALL remember this as the day that four simple thieves evaded you!"

He fired. The roof was covered in pidgeons, all of whom took flight. During the confusing, the four had, quite simply, vanished.

"Perhaps I should go after those rats myself..." came a voice. The ANBU looked over to see that it was a man with the left side of his face bandaged, a black robe, and a patch of black hair.

"And why're you interested in those brats, Danzo?" Kurogane asked.

"Those four and I have had a history ever since they robbed my house." The man, Danzo, answered, "Their ringleader, Jaden, and I...left our marks on each other."

Danzo held up his arm (the one not covered in robes) and showed a pale scar running down it.

"Now, I shall pursue them." Danzo said, vanishing.

"Alright, we lost 'em again!" Jaden grinned, giving high-fives to his three cohorts.

"Law enforcement be one of the easiest to out-run." Jack Sparrow, "'Least in this day and age."

"Well, we got away with lunch and that's all that matters." Jaden grinned, pulling the bread out of Bender's compartment.

"Thieves." Came a voice. In a swirl of leaves, Danzo appeared.

"Oh no, it's Danzo again." Jaden said, shoving the bread back into Bender's chest.

"Stand down and face judgement for your crimes." Danzo ordered.

"Dude, we just stole some bread, it's not like we killed the Hokage." Jaden said.

"We DIDN'T kill the Hokage, did we not?" Jack asked.

"No, Jack, we DEFINITELY didn't." Sora said.

"Well, no harm, no foul, mate." Jack grinned.

Danzo's response was to draw a katana.

"Is this REALLY the best option, crossing blades with a pirate?" Jack asked, drawing his cutlass. Danzo's response was to slash with the katana through the cutlass, cutting its tip clean off, "I...guess so."

"Guys, let's get goin'!" Jaden yelled.

Jaden: _**Gotta keep**_

_**One jump ahead of the breadline!**_

Jaden ducked under a slash from Danzo, whose sword slashed deep into a house. Bender laughed at this, but quickly shoved his head into his chest to dodge another slash.

Jaden: _**One swing ahead of the sword!**_

_**Jaden slid under a slash from Danzo and tossed the bread to Sora.**_

Sora: _**We steal only what we can't afford!**_

"Which is everything!" Jack said as the four ran off.

Sora: _**One jump ahead of the ANBU**_

_**That's all...**_

Danzo began running after them, almost catching up and slashing. The resulting cut nicked one of Jack's dreadlocks.

Jack: _**And that's no joke!**_

Bender: _**This chump don't appreciate we're broke!**_

Bender jumped over to a pile of barrels and kicked them over. Danzo jumped over the obstacles and saw that the thieves were getting farther away.

Danzo: _**Riff-raff!**_

_**Street rats!**_

_**Scoundrels!**_

_**Take THAT!**_

Danzo pulled out a fist-full of shuriken and hurled them at the group. Bender yelled as the blades hit his metal body, but did no harm. The four hid in an alleyway. Jaden peeked out.

Jaden: _**It's just a little snack, guys!**_

"Uh...Jaden?" Sora said, fearfully. The leader looked over to see the ANBU they had evaded earlier.

Kurogane: _**Rip them open, take it back, guys!**_

Jaden: _**I can take a hint, gotta face the facts—**_

Bender reached over to a window with his extending arms. The other three grabbed onto his body as he swung away.

Jaden: _**The only guys I trust are YOU!**_

The four landed in a room filled with rather scantily-clad ladies. Jack Sparrow suddenly began flirting with them as Sora turned bright red.

Women: _**Who? Oh, it's sad, those four have hit the bottom! They've become a four-man rise in crime!**_

Bender saw some valuables laying around before immediately gathering them into his compartment. He snickered at that.

Jaden was looking for an exit, but found something more...unpleasant. Namely, another woman who was fully-dressed and had an oddly...angry look on her face.

Mother: _**I'd blame parents, except they haven't got 'em!**_

Jaden spotted a way out, namely a window. He ducked under a strike from the mother before rushing out with Sora and Bender.

"Where's Jack?" Sora asked.

Jaden looked over to see Jack flirting with the girls. Jaden laughed before walking over and grabbing Jack.

Jack: _**Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat...**_

Jaden: _**He'll tell ya all about it, but we've got no time!**_

Jaden pulled Jack out the building before jumping out with his other two partners in crime.

Danzo looked around the streets and only saw four men sitting on the corner, looking like they were peddling artifacts.

Men: _**One jump ahead of the slow-pokes, one skip ahead of our doom...**_

Danzo walked over and tapped the flat-end of his katana onto one of the peddlers, resulting in a rather audible and hollow CLANG.

"Bite my shiny metal ass." The man snapped, revealing that he was Bender. The other three threw off their disguises, grabbed Bender, and ran.

Sora: _**Just run before we wind up in a tomb!**_

The four then bolted into a street just as a series of carts rolled by. Danzo scowled as the four seemed to vanish.

All four: _**One jump ahead of the hitmen**_

_**One hit ahead of the flock...**_

Danzo then saw the four were on the back of the very last cart.

Bender: _**I think we'll take a stroll around the block!**_

Danzo growled as he ran at the cart. The four jumped off before running through a small square of shops. Bender snatched everything that came into his reach, much to the rage of the shop-keepers.

Shop-keepers: _**Stop, thieves! Vandals!**_

"BENDER!" Jaden shouted.

"Found you." Danzo stated, pointing his katana at the four.

Jaden: _**Let's not be too hasty...**_

Suddenly, a rather large robot with a steamroller on its front rolled over.

Crushinator: _**Still, I think they are rather tasty...**_

"Later, baby." Bender said in a seductive tone.

Sora: _**Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat...**_

Jack: _**Otherwise, we'd get along.**_

"Not likely." Kakashi said as he appeared behind them.

"This Sparrow's gonna fly!" Jack proclaimed, jumping into a building with his three companions.

Danzo and the ANBU pursued the four thieves into the building. They noticed four still figures that resembled the four thieves, each clad in clown costumes.

"You don't have much respect for our intelligence, don't you?" Kakashi asked.

"No." Bender said, spraying whipped cream at Kakashi before running off with the other three while taking off their costumes.

Kakashi scraped the whipped cream off of his face before saying, "That's not funny."

The ANBU pursued the four thieves, who rushed out of the store and saw Danzo standing in front of them. Jaden pulled out a small sphere and tossed it on the ground, releasing a large explosion of smoke. They ran out, but were completely visible.

"We need better smoke bombs." Jaden said.

"Yeah, we do." Sora said.

Jaden then saw a stand filled with swords. He grabbed a scimitar and tossed bender a broadsword. Jack draw his cutlass and Sora summoned his Keyblade. The four wheeled over to the ANBU and Danzo.

"Watch it, we've got swords!" Jaden yelled in a playful voice, swinging his scimitar around.

"So do we." Kurogane simply stated as each ABU drew their blades.

"You should've put a little more thought into that." Sora said as the four resumed running.

Jaden: _**One jump ahead of the hoof-beats!**_

Kurogane: _**VANDALS!**_

Sora: _**One hop ahead of the hump!**_

Shadow-Man: _**Street rats!**_

Jack: _**One trick ahead of disaster!**_

Danzo: _**Take that!**_

Bender: _**They're quick, but we're much faster!**_

The four then came to a catapult and jumped in as Danzo threw a kunai at them. Jaden plucked the blade out of the air and held it up.

Jaden: _**Here it goes, better throw my hand in,**_

_**Wish us a happy landin'!**_

_**All we gotta do is FLY!**_

Jaden tossed the kunai at the lever. The force sent the lever down, sending the four flying.

"Why do we even have a catapult there?" Kakashi asked.

The four screamed as they flew through the air, conveniently landing on a giant pile of pillows located inside an orphanage.

"Thank goodness we didn't get splattered on the ground." Sora said.

"Yeah, YOU wouldn't." Bender said, reaching into his compartment and pulling out the bread and breaking it into three pieces. He pulled out a bottle of beer before chugging it and belching out a burst of flames.

Five orphans walked in at that point, looking at the strange intruders. Jaden looked ready to take a chomp out of his bread when he looked over at the orphans.

"Oh no, Mr. Jaden, I know that look! You're about to be GENEROUS!" Jack shouted, taking a bite out of his bread, "There, ya see? EAT! We nearly died getting this!"

Jaden had already stepped over and offered his share of the bread.

"Here ya go. Ya need it more than I do." He said with a gentle smile. The orphans quickly took it.

"You can have mine, too." Sora said, giving them his share as well.

"I curse you two, now ya guilt-tripped me into this!" Jack growled, tossing his bread at the orphans.

The orphans cheered at that as they began eating.

"Stupid humans, feeling GENEROUS..." Bender muttered.

Jaden and his team of thieves walked out of the orphanage. They then saw a small crowd gathering near the village's square. They slunk into the crowd and tried to keep themselves scarce. They immediately saw what was drawing the crowd—a girl with long, blonde hair and golden eyes walking to the center of the city.

"Well I'll be, it be Alexis Rhodes, the Hokage's daughter!" Jack said in a hushed voice.

They turned their gazes and saw a man with neatly-combed, pale blonde hair riding, proudly, on a horse towards Alexis.

"So, who's he supposed to be?" Jaden asked, "Diplomat or suitor?"

"If the Hokage's daughter's out, I'm saying suitor." Sora said.

"Better start takin' bets." Bender said, spinning his head until it parted company with his body. He held it out to the crowd before shouting, "Alright, place your bets! How long's he gonna last before getting' booted out onto the curb? Start the bets at $50!"

"Uh...Bender?" Sora asked, looking mortified.

"He's right behind me, isn't he?" Bender asked.

"Put your head back on, ya stupid pile of tin." The prince ordered.

"Hey, I'm only 40% tin." Bender said, screwing his head back on and noticing that the prince was right in front of him, "Oh, uh..."

"Miserable, Muggle invention!" the prince snarled, pulling out a wand, "I am Draco Malfoy, prince of the faraway land of-"

"Bite my shiny, metal ass." Bender stated before snickering. That crack got him blasted with a magic spell and sent him into a pile.

"HEY!" Jaden shouted, rushing over to Bender and helping him up, "If I was rich like you, I'd probably get some lessons on MANNERS."

"I'll show YOU manners." Draco scoffed, flicking his wand and sending Jaden into a pile beside Bender. The crowd began laughing at Jaden's humiliation.

"You okay, Jaden?" Sora asked as he and Jack ran over to help Jaden to his feet.

"Yeah, I'm good." Jaden muttered, dusting himself. He saw as Draco and the Hokage's daughter began walking away. A smirk crossed his face before saying, rather audibly, "Hey, guys, that's amazing! A horse with TWO butt cracks!"

Draco stopped his horse and looked over at the four with a snide expression and saying, "YOU are worthless vagabonds! That's all you shall ever be throughout your lives and, when you die, only your fleas shall mourn you!"

Draco then rode away with the Hokage's daughter, leaving the four in the dust. Jaden began running after Draco, an angry look on his face. Sora and Jack quickly ran after him and restrained him.

"Calm down, Jaden!" Sora said, "He's not worth it!"

"We're NOT useless!" Jaden growled, straining.

"Well, that much is obvious." Jack grunted, "But ya don't want to be messin' with the upper-class in this situation. Better to wait until he's in a dark ally..."

Jaden's struggles slowly came to a halt as he sighed in defeat. Sora and Jack released him. Jaden didn't even look at them before saying, "C'mon, guys. Let's go home..."

Jaden trudged away, Sora, Jack, and Bender following right behind him.

Jaden: _**Riff-raff**_

_**Street rats...**_

_**I don't buy that.**_

_**If only they'd look closer...**_

The four entered a run-down house with three cots, a small coffee table, two chairs, a plaque with about three swords on it, and multiple artifacts, most being pots, but also including a giant, golden penguin and a stone T-Rex with diamonds for eyes.

Jaden: _**Would they see some poor guys,**_

_**No siree...**_

Jack grabbed a bottle and shook it, hearing nothing.

"Why is the rum ALWAYS gone?" he asked himself as he slumped down onto one of the cots.

"Well, g'night." Bender said, leaning against a wall. A silver sheet slid over his eyes and he began snoring.

"It'll turn out better tomorrow, Jaden." Sora said, lying down on the second cot.

"Yeah, maybe..." Jaden sighed, looking out the window.

Jaden: _**They'd find out...**_

_**There's so much more...**_

_**To me.**_

"One of these days, guys, we're gonna hit it big." Jaden sighed, looking at the mountain with four faces carved into its side, "We're gonna be rich, live like kings, and never have any problems..."

"Kill all humans...kill all humans..." Bender moaned in his sleep.

"Uh, Bender?" Jaden asked, walking over and tapping Bender on the shoulder.

"Huh, wha-whazzit?" Bender yelled, waking up, "Oh, Jaden. I was just havin' the most beautiful dream...I think you were in it. Whatcha need?"

"Uh...nothing." Jaden simply said, rushing over to his cot and lying down.

"Oh, g'night." Bender said, falling asleep again. Almost immediately afterwards, he began moaning, "Kill all humans...kill all humans...kill all humans..."

Jaden tossed and turned in his bed, even as his three fellow criminals slept well. He WOULD get a better life for his friends. He just knew it...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Hokage's Daughter

The current Hokage of the Hidden Leaf Village was a red crab with long eye-stalks and large claws. His name was Mr. Krabs. Where he came from or how he became a ninja with a ranking as high as Hokage was anyone's guess. He never seemed to do more than count his money...which is what he was doing at the moment.

"Ooh-hoo, sweet wampum." He said, rubbing the dollars into his face. He heard the door burst open. He jumped up and scuttled over to see Draco Malfoy storming out, looking enraged, "What, you're leavin' already?"

"Yes, I am, you cheapskate crustacean." Malfoy snapped, his face covered in light scratches and dirt.

"You can't go!" Mr. Krabs begged, grabbing Malfoy's robe as he tried leaving, "Just give it a few more days!"

"NO!" Malfoy barked, sending Mr. Krabs flying with the flick of his wand, "Good luck marrying that woman off!"

Malfoy slammed the door behind him, leaving Krabs in a heap. The crustaceous cheapskate slowly picked himself up before groaning to himself. He scuttled to a balcony, where his daughter was looking over the village...well, adopted daughter. He was forced to adopt some children in order to increase his public image.

"Alexis!" he called, "Lexi, you-"

"Hi, dad!" exclaimed another girl with red hair and blue eyes.

"Not now, Kairi." Krabs said, "I'm tryin' to find out why Draco Malfoy left in such a..."

"Oh, that was Aleu." Alexis said, a wolf with light brown fur walking over. Alexis began stroking her pet's head in an affectionate manner, "Yeah, you sent that self-centered Pureblood away, right? Good girl!"

"Argh, so SHE was why Mr. Malfoy abandoned ship like that...and the other seven suitors." Mr. Krabs murmured, "Lexi, ya can't be turnin' down every high-rankin' sailor who comes aboard!"

"Only as long as you're gonna keep bringing out people just for their checkbooks..." Kairi murmured.

"Dad, the law's wrong." Alexis said, stroking Aleu's fur, "If I DO marry, it's gonna be to someone **I** want to for my own reasons."

"Aye, I know..." Mr. Krabs sighed, ushering the two girls and wolf inside, "I just want ya to be taken care of...and preferably to rich men who can give me MONEY!"

"It's all about money for you." Alexis sighed, "The only reason I've been out of the tower is to greet foreign visitors. I don't even have any real friends."

"What about ME?" Kairi asked, looking in a playfully hurt way. Aleu looked over with a confused look and let out a whine.

"Except you two, of course." Alexis corrected.

Mr. Krabs growled at that point and looked at Aleu before saying, "Neptune forbid YE have any daughters!"

"Weren't we adopted?" Kairi asked as Aleu just looked confused.

Alexis sighed as she walked away, Aleu following after her. She sighed as she walked into her room. She slumped down on her bed, looking up at the ceiling. Lavish, secure, filled with comfortable furniture, and rather beautiful lace. It was a beautiful room...and an equally beautiful prison.

"I can't go on like this..." she groaned. She stood up and snapped her fingers. In a puff of dust an ANBU with a green cloak appeared.

"What is it you want, daughter of the Hokage?" the ANBU asked.

"I just need one thing..." Alexis said, grabbing a lamp.

The yell and crash was muffled from a few floors down. Mr. Krabs looked around, confused, before shrugging and counting his money again.

"What's up with her? Her parents COULDN'T have been that picky." Mr. Krabs murmured to himself, "I just hope Kairi's not this difficult..."

Someone walked up behind Mr. Krabs at that point, throwing a long shadow over him.

"Hey, you're blockin' the sunlight of me money!" Krabs snapped, wheeling around to see that the person standing behind him was Orochimaru, "Ah, Orochimaru, me advisor! I was thinkin' that I'd need yer service!"

"Of what assistance would I be able to provide the great Hokage?" Orochimaru asked.

"Well, it's about this whole deal with marryin' off Alexis." Mr. Krabs explained, "I'm at me wit's end!"

"Wit's end indeed..." Waspinator buzzed.

"Yargh, giant bugs." Mr. Krabs murmured, grabbing a baseball bat and swinging it, narrowly missing Waspinator before smashing him, "How many times do I need the tower sprayed? It cost MONEY!"

"I have no idea." Orochimaru shrugged, peeling Waspinator's flattened remains off the floor and shoving him into his back pocket, "And I would be willing to do so for..." Orochimaru looked over before pointing to a ring with a ruby set into it on Krabs' treasure heap, "Your red ring."

"This?" Krabs asked, picking it up, "Gee, I don't know... me Grandpappy gave it to me after he seized the Queen Anne's Revenge! It's been in me family for generations."

"Oh, but wouldn't it be easy to replace? Besides..." Orochimaru said, in a soft, silky voice as he pulled out a sack with a large dollar sign on it and seemed to be close to bursting, "I am willing to offer a... rich reward for it..."

Mr. Krabs saw the sack of money and his eyes suddenly changed into large, dollar signs, "MONEY!"

"Now, do we have a deal?" Orochimaru asked with a snicker. He saw the crustacean was salivating and knew that it was a done deal.

"Deal! Deal! Now gimme, gimme, gimme!" Mr. Krabs said, rapidly. Orochimaru handing Krabs the sack before Krabs gave Orochimaru the ring.

"A pleasure doing business with you, Hokage-sama." Orochimaru said, tucking the ring into his robe. He watched as Mr. Krabs kissed the money sack and walked off to his safe, laughing as he did so. Orochimaru then peeled Waspinator off of the floor and walked away. He said, under his breath, "That baka is TOO easy to manipulate..."

"Ooh, Waspinator hate it when Krab-man hits him with bat." Waspinator groaned as he shifted into his robot form, "Why Orochimaru say Waspinator can't transform with Krab-man around?"

"I believe Krabs would be in a better mood not knowing that he would have to pay for the robot he has repeatedly damaged." Orochimaru answered, "But it will not last long. Soon, I shall be Hokage and not that foolish cheapskate."

"Then Waspinator shall SLAG Krab-man!" Waspinator exclaimed as the two began laughing.

That night...

Kairi was looking over the village from the tower. She heard something and turned over to see an ANBU standing behind her.

"What is it?" Kairi asked.

"Kairi, it's me." came Alexis' voice. The ANBU removed the mask, showing that it was (not surprisingly) Alexis.

"Lexi, what're you doing?" Kairi asked.

"I came to say 'good-bye'." Alexis answered in a low voice, "I'm running away. I don't want my entire life lived for me."

"But why the disguise?" Kairi asked.

"I've gotta make sure nobody recognizes me." Alexis replied. She quickly pulled Kairi into a hug before saying, "Good-bye."

Alexis released her sister before turning to leave. Aleu walked next to Alexis and began whining. Alexis kneeled down to stroke the fur of her pet half-wolf.

"I'm sorry, but you can't come with me." Alexis said. She arrived at the door, took a shuddering breath, and stepped out with every intent on just leaving her life behind. Aleu sat down and continued to whine, wanting her friend to return.

_Full credit to my friend, Lion's Edge, for the "bribing Mr. Krabs" idea._


	4. Chapter 4

_It's been a while since my last update, hasn't it? Well, writer's block is to blame. With hope, I'm over it by now._

Chapter 4: Thieves Meet Princess

The market place was bustling with business, people selling their goods to visitors or locals who just wanted to get some groceries. It was also where the four thieves were hanging out from their hideout. Jaden was peering at the nearby cabbage stand with binoculars. Sora had gone down to the stand and had started up a conversation with the stand owner—an elderly man with a beard and a yellow robe under a green tunic.

"Okay, ready to go?" Jaden asked, looking at his three friends with a smirk.

"Aye-aye." Jack nodded.

"Let's get to it." Bender said, cracking his knuckles...or what form of structure he had in his digits. The robot walked over to a neighboring fruit stand, "Hey, the Cabbage guy swiped your wallet."

"WHAT?!" shouted the fruit stand manager. He stormed over and got into a fight with the cabbage man.

"These people are so easily manipulated." Jack said with a grin, stabbing an apple with his cutlass and taking a large chomp out of it before walking away, while singing, "_Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..._"

Bender walked over and filled his chamber with fruits before walking away, smashing the cabbage man's stand.

"MY CABBAGES!"

Sora gave Bender a five before they walked back to their hideout, where Jaden was waiting.

"Did ya get the goods?" Jaden asked.

"Fruit salad galore here." Bender said, pulling out some fruits from his chest and handing them to Jaden.

"Sweet!" Jaden grinned, grabbing a melon and breaking it open before handing the second half to Sora.

Meanwhile, Alexis slunk through the street, personally thankful that no one was questioning why someone dressed like an ANBU wasn't really drawing attention to her. Apparently, she had yet to master the art of acting incognito, as she kept bumping into people and apologizing for it. She blamed the mask limiting her vision. She let out a small yell as she ran into a juggler, whose multi-colored balls hit him on the head as his act wat interrupted.

"WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!" he shouted, shaking his fist at Alexis.

"Sorry! Sorry!" she apologized, turning around and bowing before turning around and leaving.

The noise had caught Jaden's attention. He reached over to Jack's belt and pulled a spyglass off of it.

"HEY!" Jack shouted.

Jaden peered through it and saw the disguised Alexis.

"Huh, why's that ANBU guy actin' so weird?" Jaden asked.

"Trick to get us to expose ourselves." Jack replied, swiping the spyglass away from Jaden, "Seen it many times and used it many MORE times."

Meanwhile, Alexis was constantly excusing herself to everyone she bumped into. She knocked over a man with a purple Kool-Aid Man shirt as he was reviewing something.

"HEY!" he shouted, "I was reviewing _Wrath of the Titans_!"

"Sorry, sorry." She said.

"Yeah, you'd better be..." he muttered.

She then saw a little boy, who was looking, longingly, at an apple on a shelf.

"Poor thing, you must be hungry." She said, picking up the apple and handing it to the boy, "Here."

"HEY! You know that stealing is-" shouted the shop-owner. He then froze up and said, in a timid voice, "Oh, I-I'm sorry, sir. I di-didn't know you were ANBU."

'People are scared of me because of my garbs...' Alexis thought to herself.

"An ANBU helping out someone?" Jaden asked, "When has THAT happened?"

"Good question." Sora nodded, "Maybe it's a new guy."

"Well, guess we'd better show 'im how things are run here!" Bender said with an evil snicker before walking away. He walked out of the building and right up to Alexis before lighting a cigar, "Ya smoke? Mind if I do?"

He then took a heavy draft before blowing smoke right into her face. She coughed before saying, "Could you just knock it off?"

"Oh yeah? What're ya gonna do?" Bender asked in a cocky voice, "Arrest me and throw me in jail?"

"I COULD. I AM an ANBU." Alexis snarled in what she hoped was an intimidating voice.

"ANBU? I eat ya guys for breakfast!" Bender scoffed.

"If you don't back off, I'll...I'll..." Alexis said, searching for the right threat.

At that point, Jaden, Sora, and Jack ran over and grabbed Bender.

"Sorry about that." Jaden said with a shaky grin, "Our robot's defective. Tried getting him fixed for a while now, but, y'know, times are tough."

"Uh...no problem." Alexis said.

"You're not an ANBU, are you?" Jaden asked as Sora and Jack dragged the struggling Bender away.

"C'mon, it was just getting good!" Bender yelled.

"That obvious?" Alexis asked.

"You kinda stick out like a sore thumb." Jaden replied, "You new around town?"

"Kinda." Alexis answered.

"My loyal crewman!" Jack shouted, grabbing Jaden and dragging him away, "What in the name of Davy Jones' Locker are you doing?!"

"She's not an ANBU." Jaden said, "And she seems like she needs help."

"That's NOT the problem!" Jack snapped, waving his hands, "The problem being that this particular cloaked individual sounds distinctly feminine and, if I know my Disney movies, that means you two will be head-over-"

"So, need a place to crash?" Jaden asked, walking back to Alexis, "'Cuz we've got a place not too far from here."

"Just so ya know, ANBU's get the floor!" Bender yelled as he ran by and crashed into a nearby stand.

"Jack, you left me to manage Bender on my own!" Sora shouted.

Jaden looked at the stand and saw that the Cabbage Man had returned.

"MY CABBAGES!" he screamed.

"Now, we should run." Jaden stated before turning tail and running with Jack, Sora, and Bender following him in hot pursuit. Alexis looked at the Cabbage Man, who had pulled out a kanabo and was already running for them. She then decided to follow them.

Elsewhere...

In a hidden lair, Waspinator was in his robot form and running on a giant hamster wheel.

"Orochimaru, Waspinator was wondering why not wait for a real storm?" Waspinator asked in an exchausted voice as a bolt of lightning coursed into a machine.

"Because I enjoy watching you suffer." Orochimaru replied, placing the ring he bought from Krabs in a metal spire just before lightning struck it, "Now, magic crystal, reveal to me the diamond among gravel!"

The spire began to rotate faster and faster. A beam of red light shot from the tip and hit Orochimaru on the forehead. His eyes went wide as his pupils went wide. He had a vision of Jaden, leading his friends and Alexis away.

"Yes...I see him...the diamond among gravel..." he said, a wide smile stretching across his face.

"Ooh, Waspinator is so relieved to hear that diamond is fou-" Waspinator was cut off as a bolt of electricity flew down, struck him, and caused him to trip. He screamed as he spun around the hamster wheel and was hurled into the wall.

"Well, with this knowledge, I believe we are one step closer." Orochimaru smirked, "Danzo!"

With a puff of smoke, Danzo appeared.

"What is it, Orochimaru?" Danzo asked.

"I am in need of your assistance." Orochimaru said, "It involves those thieves that you're so obsessed with."

Danzo remained silent for a few seconds before asking, "Will it result in their capture?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Captured

The sun had set and the four thieves and runaway had shaken the Cabbage Man off their trail. Jaden climbed up a fire escape and made it to the rooftop. He gave a quick look around before making a quick gesture to the people below.

"Well, the coast's clear." Sora said, climbing after Jaden.

"How long have you guys been at this?" Alexis asked, following the group.

"Individually or together?" Bender asked in return as he got to the rooftop.

"Twenty." Jack said.

"Twelve." Jaden said.

"Seven." Sora said.

"Five." Bender concluded. Alexis gave Bender an odd look as she got to the top, "What? I'm only six!"

"And, somehow, he drinks AND smokes." Sora murmured.

"How do you guys make it?" Alexis asked.

"Ya gotta learn to survive out here." Jaden shrugged, jumping to the next roof-top, "We've only got one rule out here."

"What's that?" Alexis asked, jumping after him, but nearly fell. She grabbed the edge of the roof by the tips of her fingers and slowly pulled herself up.

"Don't get caught." Jack answered, jumping past her, followed by Bender and Sora.

"But that's why we stick together." Jaden said, warmly, as he walked over to Alexis and held out his hand. Alexis took it as he pulled her to the top, "So, if one of us messes up, the others will be there to help."

Bender's eyes quickly darted from side-to-side at that.

"Bender, what's with your eyes?" Sora asked, suspiciously.

"Uh...yo mama! Shut up!" Bender snapped, defensively, before saying, "Take your pick."

"Our place isn't far from here." Jaden said as the group jumped from rooftop to rooftop, Alexis following with ease, "Hey, you're getting better at this!"

"I'm a fast learner." Alexis replied.

"At this rate, people might mistake ya for a REAL ANBU." Jaden smiled as the group stopped at the run-down house they live in.

"You guys live HERE?" Alexis asked, sounding more amazed than disgusted.

"Yeah, just the four of us." Sora replied.

"Be it ever so pitiful, there's no place like home." Jack said, more to himself.

"But hey, it has its perks." Sora shrugged as the group walked into the house.

"Plenty of places to hide evidence for one." Bender said, reaching into his chamber, pulling out a large sack, and tossing it into a large hole. He then looked to his companions before saying, "Guess what you're accessories to!"

"Some neat feng shui..." Sora said as Jaden led them into the main room. He gestured to the penguin and T-Rex statues.

"And, best of all," Jaden said, flinging open a curtain to show the Hokage building and mountain, "A wonderful view."

"Hokage's palace." Sora said.

"Yeah, real amazing." Alexis murmured in an off-hand fashion.

"Just imagine it—having servants waiting on you, being the most beloved guy in the village..." Jaden said with a longing expression.

"Having the ability to execute someone if they even sneeze at you..." Jack added.

"Being able to get away with murder!" Bender added, "Not that...I wanna do that..."

"Wanna know how to shut him up?" Sora asked. Alexis quickly nodded. Sora pulled out a refrigerator magnet and tossed it at Bender. It hit the robot on the head and stuck immediately.

"Hey, what the-" Bender yelled. He suddenly let out a groan as his pupils began changing in size and he then burst into song, "_Jaden cracks corn and I don't care! Sora cracks corn and I don't care! Bender cracks corn, 'cuz I am great! Take that, you stupid corn!_"

"That didn't shut him up." Alexis stated.

"Aye, but he's a good singer." Jack nodded, running his fingers through his mustache.

Jaden walked over to Bender and pulled the magnet off. The robot's song stopped and he just walked away.

"Ya seemed a bit down about the Hokage building." Jaden said, "Why's that?"

"None of your business." Alexis said, coldly.

"Hey, if you've got a problem, just tell me." Jaden said, going to Alexis' side and looking at her, "I'd be willing to help a friend."

"Oh dear, I knew this would happen." Jack murmured, walking over to Sora and Bender, "Jaden's falling for a girl who hasn't even shown her face."

"Alright, he's done for." Bender said, "Let's focus our energy into turning Sora into our fall guy."

"I can hear you, ya know that?" Sora asked.

"You don't even know me that well." Alexis said to Jaden, "Why do you want to help me?"

"Because I...think that I'm starting to..." Jaden said, looking at Alexis, "Wonder what you look like under that mask...if you're okay with it, though."

"Yeah, I'm okay with it." Alexis replied, reaching up for his mask.

"Wait, guys, wait!" Bender yelled, reaching into his chamber and pulling out a sword, which began to glow blue, "This sword glows blue when jerks are near!"

"So, it glows all the time?" Sora asked.

"No, SERIOUSLY!" Bender shouted, "There's someone close and-"

BOOM!

A hole was blown through the wall. Danzo led the ANBU ninjas through the hole and saw the wreckage. The T-Rex statue was now a pile of gravel in the corner as the group pulled themselves out of the rubble.

"Tiny, NO!" Bender yelled, looking at the rubble.

"In the name of the Hidden Leaf Village, you are all under arrest." Danzo stated.

"And in the name o' my pet monkey, I order you ALL to walk the plank!" Jack shouted, waving his hands at the ninjas as he stood up.

There was a long pause before Kurogane stated, "I'm going to enjoy this way more than I should."

Kurogane jumped up and hit Jack across the face, knocking him to the ground. He then tied Jack's hands behind his back before Kakashi and Shadow-Man did the same to Sora and Jaden.

"SORRY, GUYS, RULE NUMBER ONE!" Bender yelled, running away. He then tripped over a solid diamond and landing on the ground. The other ninjas then surrounded him as he stood up, "Uh...I would like to turn in those hoodlums! Do I get a reward?"

"A long time in the dungeon is your only reward." Danzo stated as Bender's arms were wrapped behind him. He then looked at Alexis, "One of my men was missing his equipment. That will result in a long imprisonment for you..."

"But there's one thing—" Alexis said, pulling off her mask and taking her hood down, "I'm Alexis, the Hokage's daughter!"

"Well, that was unexpected." Kakashi stated.

"The Hokage's daughter?" Jaden asked, sounding dumbfounded.

"Didn't see that coming." Sora said.

"My entire perception of reality's thrown into question..." Bender said.

"What a twist!" Jack exclaimed.

"What are you doing out here with these vagabonds?" Danzo asked.

"That's my own business." Alexis answered, "Now, I order you to release those four NOW."

"Have I mentioned that you were my favorite ninja?" Bender asked.

"Sorry, but you have no authority here." Danzo stated, "If you have an issue, bring it up with Orochimaru. He is head of criminal punishment."

"Believe me, I will." Alexis snarled.

Danzo made a hand-sign and, in a cloud of dust, he vanished along with the ANBU and the captives. Alexis then looked at the tower and jumped out of the window and onto the nearest rooftop. She looked at the Hokage palace before jumping to the front door and walked in. Kairi was there and did a double-take at the sight of her sister.

"Alexis, you're back?" Kairi asked.

"OROCHIMARU!" Alexis shouted, pulling off the cloak and tossing it aside.

In a cloud of dust, Orochimaru appeared with Waspinator buzzing next to his shoulder in his Beast Mode.

"Greetings, Alexis." Orochimaru said. He then swatted Waspinator away with a simple back-hand. The wasp hit the wall and fell to the ground.

"Why everyone hate Waspinator?" Waspinator groaned.

"How may I be of assistance?" Orochimaru asked.

"Danzo arrested four civilians on your orders." Alexis snarled.

"I was simply doing my duty." Orochimaru answered, coolly, "They committed a serious crime by kidnapping the Hokage's daughter."

"They didn't kidnap me! I ran away!" Alexis shouted.

"She did. She told me." Kairi added.

"Well, I wish I had known that beforehand." Orochimaru stated, turning to hide a smirk on his face, "I had already granted Danzo's requested sentence."

"What?" Alexis asked, eyes going wide as she expected the worst.

"Death." Orochimaru answered, making Alexis gasp, "By beheading."

"How...how could you?" Alexis asked before running away. She ran into her room and fell onto her bed, weeping. Aleu walked in and climbed on next to Alexis, licking her cheek, "It's all because of me, Aleu...I didn't even know his name..."

Aleu let out a small whine as she put her head down on next to Alexis, who began crying into the half-wolf's fur.


End file.
